Monday, March 19, 2007

'SUPPORT OUR TROOPS & BY THE WAY, WHEN DID YOU STOP BEATING YOUR WIFE?'


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

“Whatever our differences in Washington, our troops and their families deserve the appreciation and the support of our entire nation.”

Those were Bush’s words in his nationwide address today. Our warrior prince asked for patience because heck, we’re just getting started. Give us a chance. If you weasels don’t like me, at least support our troops. His meaning and purpose were to perpetuate the “support our troops” device that worked so well so long. Three ghoulish words that are an accusation tangled inside a threat, pretending to exemplify sweet, positive thinking when in fact they’re an attack, an admonition, an ugly masquerade.

The three words on the stickers shitheads love to slap on their vehicles announce there are Americans out there who don’t support our troops, who wish evil things on our brave boys and girls, so maybe if the saintly, the right-minded, the true patriots all stand up and declare their loyalty, we can unmask these treasonous, terrorist-loving louts. Either you're with me, Bush tells us, or you're against the troops.
George Orwell, who predicted the next totalitarians would tell us that war is peace and freedom is slavery, would enjoy the perfect irony of “Support our troops,” a lie of demonic magnificence. It’s the Orwellian shield behind which the hard-core rockhead coalition of avid chicken hawks, pro-torture evangelicals, gun-o-maniacs, racists, anti-tax greedheads, and other disturbed geeks work out their little deals to bite off a bigger piece of the action for themselves while they feed our troops into the Iraqi trash compactor.

Today, the fourth anniversary of the worst foreign policy disaster in the history of our republic, is a good day to stand up to those words.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CONGRESS WILL OK NEW FUNDING FOR BUSH'S HECK OF A JOB IN IRAQ? BELIEVE IT


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

Monday marks four years since our self-anointed wartime leader, mounted on a stuffed pony atop the hill, raised his hand Sitting-Bull style and sent the Coalition of the Willing across the frontier into Iraq. Demonstrators will mark the anniversary on Saturday, but they won’t be numerous because there’s no military draft. The message from the public is if someone from your family loses a life or a limb or something over there, hey, you took your chances. Besides, I'm doing my part; I've got a Support Our Troops sticker on my vehicle.

What ever happened to the report from that bipartisan panel led by Daddy's consigliere James A. Baker III? The one that said start pulling out and go heavy on diplomacy? It got big play for a while, but now it's another forgotten news story, this year's Tanya Harding, only not, of course, as big as the already-forgotten death of Anna Nicole Smith. Remember the surge? It's going on right now and no one pays much attention.

Invading Iraq was a kind of neocon dream but never an actual plan. It was more like a 5-year-old kid saying he wants to be an astronaut. It’s something he might want, but he has no idea what’s involved in getting there – science, math aeronautics, that sort of stuff. He just thinks astronauts wear cool space suits.

So neocons Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz, Feith and their weak-minded convert Bush Junior didn’t concern themselves with Shiites, Kurds, Sunnis, Iran, or any of the details. They wouldn't even bother to read a State Department report warning them of the danger, and when they found out they didn't have sufficient troops to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq they pulled troops out of Afghanistan.

Their duplicity, incompetence, and endless lying has been proved so many times in so many ways, there have been so many insiders who jumped ship and ratted out their former colleagues, that at this point answering the war's supporters is like arguing with the Flat Earth Society.

When it all fell apart – no ties to Bin Laden, no WMD – the Bush-o-ramusses went into a huddle and came up with a new goal they’d send other people’s kids to die for – establishing democracy in Iraq, making it a beacon of sweetness and light for all the Muslim world to see.

In the meantime the invasion and occupation of the oilfields infused crazies all across the Mideast – in Iran, Lebanon, Jordan, Egypt – with new strength. Also, Iran and North Korea decided they better really get moving on those nuclear bombs because they figured correctly that, ironically, if Saddam really had nukes, the U.S. would never have invaded. This new guy in Washington was so crazy he attacked countries just because he didn’t like them, kind of like the character in Johnny Cash’s song who shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

It’s hard to believe that after all the these failures the chicken hawks atop our government stay on-message with their loony non-policy of endless occupation. As Zbigniew Brzezinski testified in the Senate, his greatest fear about an administration secret plan "is that there is no secret plan." The dead and wounded are still piling up, for which we pay somewhere above $6 billion a month, enough to finance a seriously good universal health care system, fight systemic poverty, and do something real to stop poisoning the Earth.

Bush, just before this damnable anniversary, sent down a new Iraq appropriations bill. Amazingly, Congress will approve it. All the Democrats could muster in opposition was a bill that sets the goal of ending the war in eighteen more months and is so full of loopholes that even when September 2008 arrives, ignoring the deadline will carry no consequences. Those members, like Nancy Pelosi, for instance, who say no to the war and yes to its new funding are basically taking a stand against cannibalism while writing a check (from our account) to buy Hannibal Lector new cutlery.

Monday, March 12, 2007

WAGING 'CLASS WARFARE’ ISN’T SUCH A BAD IDEA


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman
If trust-buster Theodore Roosevelt, who managed to rein in the most blatant corruption of his day, saw how politicians operate today -- touring haunts of the super-rich where they openly beg for alms and then perform huge favors for them at the expense of everyone else -- Teddy would call in federal marshals. But then he’d discover that in most instances the bribes are legal.

The bribe-takers have long since cemented legislation in place designed to keep them out of the penitentiary while their gratuities roll in. Everybody knows what’s going on, but we’ve been taught to pretend the gifts have no influence on takers. They buy only “access.” At least that’s the story the givers and takers tell. Not coincidentally, the U.S. distribution of wealth is the absolute worst in the Western World and getting worse all the time. Nearly 50 million Americans were walking around without health insurance at the same time Prince George and Congress, including many Democrats such as Diane Feinstein, killed the inheritance tax.
These crazy excesses look very much like what was going on during the years preceding Teddy’s reforms. But nowadays the lower classes aren’t offended by the conspicuous consumption of the super-rich. They just want to join the club. All across America people have taken out second mortgages to buy 8,000-pound, $90,000 SUVs to drive to the 7-Eleven for a quart of milk so they can pretend they're not desperate losers.

This new Gilded Age weirdly concides with a period of great religious awakening in America, the most religious country in the Western World. Curiously, the Christian Right, which is attempting and in many ways succeeding in putting its zombie legions in charge of schools, health, and science, is allied with conspicuous consumers like my neighbor Deepak Chopra, who's building a 20,000-square-foot home on the next hill. The church fascists provide a welcoming governmental environment for all the Fools on all the Hills. (See my March 2 LEISURE CLASS GOING BONKERS WITH EXCESS two posts below this one.)

“The politics of envy” is one of those hammers that hired hands for the super-rich start swinging whenever they run into someone who hints that lust for possessions has gone over the top, that perhaps corporate executives worth hundreds of millions who steal more hundreds of millions from their shareholders are a symptom of systemic disease. Their lackeys – authors, Supreme Court judges, senators, Fox newscasters, and the like -- are quick to batter us with slogans they apply to anyone applying rational thought to these bizarre phenomena. By using the same words, they can make their falsehoods seem more true.
For instance, they like to accuse critics of waging “class warfare.” In my case, they’re correct. I’m a proud, card-carrying warrior in the war between the classes, or at least I would be if such a war existed in this country. It can’t because whenever pollsters ask people about their status in the socio-economic structure, just about everybody says they belong to the middle class. That includes the very, very rich as well as people in trailer courts. And I’m not talking about the nice trailer courts with brave, well-tended little gardens. I mean the ones where the man of the trailer watches TV twirling a 14-shot, nine-millimeter pistol and sometimes can be seen on reality cop shows getting dragged out in an undershirt and handcuffs for cooking meth or beating his significant other.

Ask those guys being stuffed into the back seat of the patrol car if they’re middle class and they’ll probably say yes. The cop who’s doing the stuffing would tell you he’s middle-class, too – same league, but on a different team. Americans who can’t even identify their location in the economy are useless dingbats in the political world, sitting silently while politicans working for tips kick them farther down the ladder.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

TO SWITCH WEIRDLY CONFIGURED POWER COUPLES, GIVE CLINTONS ANOTHER TURN


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman


What’s the matter, Bunky? Empty-suited President got you down? Sick of all the lying, posturing, faking, the theft of planeloads of cash, not to mention a six-figure death toll in a pointless war while the Gulf Coast remains a twisted mess of trash? Uncertain what to do about becoming in just a few short years the most hated country on Earth?

Tired of all the relentless ineptitude twinned with the most tenacious arrogance since DeGaulle tried to stare down Churchill and Roosevelt? Afraid to turn on the news because you’ll just hear about more dead and disfigured G.I.s in Iraq while Exxon-Mobil, Chevron, Halliburton and all their parasitic pals romp through the oil fields? Are you bent out of shape by religious crazies who use government funds to convert new batches of religious crazies so they can attain new heights of church-statism, a Justice Department that fires people for doing their jobs, and an EPA whose goal is to wreck itself?

Well, don’t do anything real, like following the Constitution and impeaching this insufferable tyrant and his dangerously demented vice president. Don’t even stop funding the war that is not a war but really a madhouse of homicidal factions the simple-minded White House can’t even hope to understand.
Instead, step up and get not one, but two Clintons for the price of one. While they last. Not available in stores. Fresh out of the box.

Yes, starting in January 2009 you can wake up to the same tired old faces from the first eight Clinton years. Go backwards! That’s what monarchy’s all about. Comforting, isn’t it? Everybody gets it. That’s why it can work. Stop torturing yourself trying to choose leaders. Instead, just switch royal families! Give the other one a turn.

Because America doesn’t have just one set of imperial bounders. Heck no, fresh out of New York and Washington, following their previous rave engagements in the boondocks of Arkansas and straight off the cover of People, etc., we give you the Clintons! With Obama and Edwards hot on the heels of Hillary’s twisted pronouncements that don’t say what they appear to say, the desperate dynamic Clinton duo has proclaimed for all the world (at the civil rights commemoration in Selma and at various fund-raisers) that yes indeed, they’re a package!

This time you don’t get the puppet-puppeteer weirdly Oedipal kind of duo you suffered with the Bush-Cheney shared-power arrangement. Instead you get this one-time, unique opportunity to install a feuding, scheming two-headed hydra kind of president. Even Fox will be happier as it descends to record depths interviewing therapists, astrologers, feng shui experts, you name it, to speculate about the presidential sleeping arrangements, tortured decision-making processes, and who knows what else eight more years of monarchy will bring? Sleep together? Heck, we can't even guarantee the Clintons like each other. Doesn't that make it all the more exciting?

Operators are standing by.

Friday, March 02, 2007

LEISURE CLASS GOING BONKERS WITH EXCESS

DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman
My neighbor on the next hill is building a 20,000-square-foot home. I haven't seen the blueprints, but that's big enough to house a multi-plex theater and a commercial bowling alley. The owner, Deepak Chopra, is a physician out of India who hit it big on the American self-help guru circuit.

His website says, “Dr. Chopra's work is changing the way the world views physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social wellness.” The structure Chopra is building to tune up his personal mental, emotional, spiritual and social wellness will spread over several lots, with fantastic shoreline views over the 25-mile stretch from the Palos Verdes Peninsula to Malibu. Even without a telescope, Chopra will be able to pick out distant mansions of similar ilk that have been multiplying like giant rats and are now landmarks for jetliners flying in and out of Los Angeles International Airport. Among them would be the Brentwood mansion of environmental sympathizer Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his bride Maria Shriver, whose garage holds a fleet of Hummers.

Also down there are car dealers selling million-dollar Bugattis and Beverly Hills jewelry stores where you can pick up a $300,000 Patek-Philippe or order a specialty watch for over a million.
Of course this is not just a California phenomenon. All around the globe the super-rich are jumping into an arms race of purchases, but displaying obscene wealth is especially okay in America, where everybody figures he or she can be the next Donald Trump, only with a better haircut.
Ron Perelman, defined by the news media as a financier, sold his oceanfront estate in Palm Beach for over $70 million. He didn’t leave it for a bungalow. Yachts keep getting bigger and bigger. In late 2004, The Wall Street Journal, beginning to focus on the phenomenon of excess, discovered boat builders were slapping together plenty of pleasure craft longer than 200 feet on special order from buyers willing to put up $100 million or more.
All those adjoining lots purchased by my neighbor so he could spread out and be more comfortable had to be worth at least $3 million apiece. Figure in architect’s fees, gymnasium, marble floors, chandeliers, a place to store the lawn mower, and all the other what-nots and extras that go into such elephantine habitats, and we’re looking at something like $50 million for a single-family residence. For the record, my family and I live in a four-bedroom house that takes up 1,834 square feet. Years ago we lived in 3,000 square feet. To me the home seemed as big as Montana, and there I quickly discovered how inconvenient it was to live in a place where sometimes the inhabitants aren’t in shouting range of each other. I found myself wandering through too many rooms to find the damn newspaper.
In further irony, the owners of these monstrous mansions generally camouflage them with shrubbery, fences, and other architectural shields. They want the rabble to know they're in there, but don't trust them with the details. If you’re anything like me, you stand puzzled by all this grasping for stuff that has no use. I like luxury as well as the next person, but clearly at some point it crosses the line into Goofyland. “How much better can you eat?” Detective Gittes asked super-rich incest-monger Noah Cross in Robert Towne’s splendid script for Chinatown. “What can you buy that you can’t already afford?”

This culture of the absurd was examined with precision and derision in 1899 when philosopher and economist Thorstein Veblen published The Theory of the Leisure Class. In it, he coined the terms “conspicuous consumption” and “conspicuous waste” and took a piercing, wry look at what the ruling class of his time was doing with its immense wealth. He discovered that these people were infatuated with owning goods that had absolutely no use whatsoever other than to advertise to everyone else that they could afford to waste valuable resources on utterly useless stuff. They also, Veblen decided, had a secondary purpose – trying to make everyone who couldn’t afford expensive, useless stuff eat their livers. Ridiculously huge mansions filled with servants were among his many examples of such conspicuous consumption of useless stuff, along with stables full of riding horses and jeweled walking sticks. Inverse snob Veblen failed to see that some owners may have been caring souls pursuing physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social wellness.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

'WHAT I HEARD ABOUT IRAQ'



DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman
Worn out from the unceasing barrage of ineptitude, arrogance, and falsehoods, beaten-down voters look to the future like sleepers in the blistered confusion of a nightmare about to end. They know they can get screwed badly over the next two years, but after that, whatever goes wrong will go wrong under another president, and heck, we can do two years standing on our head. Why, it’s not even as long as we had to endure the O.J. coverage.

Yet the night holds more nightmares: Innocents (that includes our own sons and daughters) will keep dying in Iraq. We may drop a nuke or two on Iran. The globe will continue poaching over a low flame. The Bush regime will resist pollution controls. Fundamentalist storm troopers and plugged-in corporations will keep picking our pockets. Corrupt Iraqi plutocrats who understand his weaknesses better than Democrats in Congress ever did will keep outsmarting our dimwitted prince. Our health bills will go up. Health delivery will go down. Al Qaeda will score more victories in Afghanistan and may yet pull another Nine-Eleven on us. And Bush will lie about all of it. As Leonard Cohen tells us, "Everybody knows that the dice are loaded. Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed."

But in order to keep the damage down in the future, we need to understand more about how, during the previous six years we got beaten to the punch time after time by an administration chock full of cowardly, posturing chicken hawks.

A writer by the name of Eliot Weinberger, in a February 3, 2005 article in the London Review of Books, did it the right way. You can find it here. Copy the link and call it up. http://www.lrb.co.uk/v27/n03/wein01_.html

Good writer Weinberger shows, rather than tells.
The article, “What I heard in Iraq,” should have been a knockout punch to this administration. Natually it wasn't ready for prime time in the U.S. In a series of chronological statements and events Weinberger catalogs the administration’s lies and denials as he cites indisputable facts the blunder-amusses disputed anwyay. We see how the wretched Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney, and the rest relied on the media’s cowardice, incompetence, and failure to do even elementary research. We watch Rice, Powell, and the other usual suspects take advantage of their natural belligerence in a format that rarely leaves room for follow-up questions. They lie, wriggle away by answering another question, and sometimes launch a verbal assault against the questioner before calling on someone else (at moments like these Bush liked to call on a male prostitute posing as a reporter who’d been planted there by the administration. I wish I were kidding)

The article was later adapted for the theater by Simon Levy. Reviewers call the result devastating. Theater-goers walk out shell-shocked, beyond anger. BBC Radio will air it in April. The play has been to Los Angeles, Edinburgh, Scotland, and elsewhere. It’s set to run on March 20 in Los Angeles again and also in Philadelphia. Theater people are trying to organize productions in other cities. Go to this link for more information: http://www.fountaintheatre.com/WHATIHEARDABOUTIRAQ-FutureProductionsEvents.htm
Here, from Weinberger’s article, is part of what happens:

I heard a reporter say to Donald Rumsfeld: ‘Before the war in Iraq, you stated the case very eloquently and you said they would welcome us with open arms.’ And I heard Rumsfeld interrupt him:
‘Never said that. Never did. You may remember it well, but you’re thinking of somebody else. You can’t find, anywhere, me saying anything like either of those two things you just said I said.’
But a little higher we already read,
I heard Donald Rumsfeld say there was ‘no question’ that American troops would be ‘welcomed’: ‘Go back to Afghanistan, the people were in the streets playing music, cheering, flying kites, and doing all the things that the Taliban and al-Qaida would not let them do.’

I heard a reporter ask Donald Rumsfeld: ‘If they did not have WMDs, why did they pose an immediate threat to this country?’ I heard Rumsfeld answer: ‘You and a few other critics are the only people I’ve heard use the phrase “immediate threat”. It’s become a kind of folklore that that’s what happened. If you have any citations, I’d like to see them.’
And I heard the reporter read: ‘No terrorist state poses a greater or more immediate threat to the security of our people.’
Rumsfeld replied: ‘It – my view of – of the situation was that he – he had – we – we believe, the best intelligence that we had and other countries had and that – that we believed and we still do not know – we will know.’

To me, that was the high point. Tough-guy Rumsfeld counterpunched and breaking down under the weight of the facts. Truth can be ugly. But use it well and you can make lovely things happen.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN, A COLUMNIST IMPERVIOUS TO REALITY



DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman


Back when I was in the newspaper business, there was a saying repeatedly applied to the subject of idiots or tyrants at the news helm: when your ticket is punched, it's punched.

Once you reached the upper echelons of the swine-shit factory, this brought certain entitlements. So even when an editor, for example, who was only moderately talented to begin with drank six martinis for lunch, he still had the right to return to the newsroom and edit your copy. In fact, it was possible for him to talk his way into a bigger job at a bigger paper because what the heck, his ticket was punched.

Thomas L. Freidman is a newspaper guy whose ticket is punched. He’s a New York Times columnist and omnipresent talking head. As far as I know, he doesn't drink six martinis for lunch, but in his case, it couldn't hurt. This pretentious schnook gets it all wrong but looks -- and to the uninitiated -- even sounds like someone who knows what he’s talking about.

Friedman cheer-led us into a pointless war in Iraq, and when everything went wrong fast, he wrote one moronic column after another on how just a little tinkering with Bush's essentially correct policy would likely turn everything around in “the next six months.” He wrote that just about every six months without ever referring to the previous claim six months earlier. Like Bush, like Shotgun Cheney, like steel-eyed, vengeful Hillary, Friedman’s never wrong, never apologizes.

Word is out that this pudgy pissant now commands a $75,000 speaking fee. Why, one might ask, would chumps pay such a price for his opinions when they’re more likely to extract wisdom from the lady on the next stool at Denny’s? It all has to do with the punch on his ticket.

Friedman, who expounds without accuracy on the meaning of events twice a week in The Times, also writes best-selling books that relentlessly fail to perceive the situation. In The Earth is Flat, he practically giggles over all the lovely gifts this new global economy bestows on us without examining why American wages have remained stagnant for thirty years and why all those cheap electronic gadgets from China that drove out the competition with slave wages don’t actually work very well.

Here are some telling statistics gathered last year by Derrick Z. Jackson of The Boston Globe, which, ironically, is owned by Friedman's employer.

The Institute for Policy Studies and United for a Fair Economy, the two liberal think tanks that annually chart the gap between CEOs and workers, list the gap in 2005 at 431-to-1, or $11.8 million to $27,460. That compares with a gap of 107-to-1 in 1990. In 1980, it was only 42-to-1. If salaries of the average worker had kept up with that of a CEO, he or she would have made $110,136 last year. Had the minimum wage risen at the same pace as CEO compensation, it would have stood at $23.01. But the federal minimum wage of $5.15 hasn't risen since 1997.
I mean, aren’t these danger signals? Shouldn’t Freidman's publisher, at least, bring to his attention the fact that his pretentious blather misses the whole point of what’s going on? Shouldn't we be examining ways to make the system work better for people instead of Halliburton and Exxon-Mobil? Isn't it past time to stop listening to Friedman's advice on Iraq?
But his employers clearly see the advantages of hiring a guy to shovel swine shit who doesn't ever seem to smell it.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

AS BRITS PULL FREE OF IRAQI SWAMP PUS, ERITREA HOLDS FAST





DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

As the lame-duck Great Leader and his toadies smile and wave fondly at departing British troops, they pretend not to see the inherent paradox as our own deployment into the swamp pus of Iraq -- to borrow an expression from our astute White House -- surges. You almost feel sorry for the Great Decider and his little helpers. They're like some nitwit who walks into a door and declares, "It's okay, I planned it all along."
Denmark, with hardly enough troops there to put together a game of Texas Hold’m, will be out by August, and South Korea by the end of this year. Lithuania, whose contribution to the Coalition of the Willing is down to 53 troops and perhaps a pet goat or two, is also thinking aloud about getting out entirely. Italy and Spain are gone, along with their prime ministers that said yes to the invasion that quickly morphed into an attempt to occupy hell.

The globally reviled Bush still smirks, but his deer eyes show new traces of fear and puzzlement. Yes, he sees the oncoming truck, but now what? The bullying belligerence of old has been tamed at least a little by his suspicion that there may be more to this governing stuff than Karl Rove explained back in Texas when he first pulled Junior out of the idiot box. Lately his handlers' lies are less spirited. Maybe their minds are on book contracts.

Blair’s retrenchment was of little consequence because it was clearly in the cards whether he went along or not. Unless he breaks yet another promise, he will step down by the end of summer. Heir-apparent Gordon Brown’s statements on Iraq have been mixed, vague, and elusive. But he will probably withdraw even more troops, maintaining a microscopic token force that will keep the alliance with the U.S. intact and minimize domestic damage. He’s unlikely to embrace a conflict so heartily detested by an overwhelming majority of the British public.

So unable to do anything about British retrenchment, Condoleeza Rice proclaimed that it adheres to “what is really the plan for the country as a whole.” And Shotgun Cheney sees the drawdown of approximately 25 percent of remaining British forces as “actually an affirmation.” But imagine if Blair, instead of bowing to the pressure of reason, had scrounged up another 50,000 troops for their "surge." Would Rice and Cheney complain? You decide.

Estonia has 35 troops in Iraq; Kazakhstan, 27 military engineers; Netherlands, 15 soldiers as part of a NATO training mission, and Slovenia, four military instructors. Good thing, too. If you want to win a war, don’t make a move without Slovenian military instructors. No one around the White House has mentioned the Coalition of the Willing in ages. But as far as I know, they’ve still got Eritrea.

Oh, you're probably wondering what this column has to do with the death of Anna Nicole Smith, depicted in the photo. Nothing.

Friday, February 16, 2007

ANATOMY OF AN ATROCIOUS CONGRESSMAN


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman
Bear with me and read this pronouncement on the threat of global warming from the Website of Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif.:

"Too often, when congress [sic.] is asked to pass environmental legislation, the legislation is based on emotional junk science rather than data based on reproducable [sic.], rigorous, tested, peer-reviewed results. In no area has this been more obvious than climate change. Because the Kyoto Treaty and much of the suggested environmental legislation would decimate jobs in southern California, constituents may be interested to learn of the growing scientific consensus that global warming is not manmade, if it is in fact even occuring. [sic.] "

Even some of the most hardened adversaries of science in the Bush Administration now concede the reality of global warming, but Rohrabacher soldiers on, disseminating the same disproved ratshit. He could probably plead ignorance, except he has no interest in knowing the real truth, making him an especially grievous liar. He figures the next generations inheriting the poisons for which he crusades (this includes his own three children) will just have to look out for themselves the same way he looked out for himself.

“Soldiering” on, though, is an inappropriate term in the context of Rohrabacher, an Iraq war hawk who ducked out on the draft during Vietnam. Witnesses contend he showed up to his Selective Service physical with an x-ray of a knee he claimed was beyond salvation. Yet he also boasts he was surfing regularly.

You might expect a hypocrite like him with the mind of a sparrow, a creep who never held a job outside politics or government, to hail from some deeply atavistic hollow in the furthest reaches of Dixie, where deprived, Dust Bowl constituents don’t have the wherewithal to sort out the goods on their congressional representative.

But no, Rohrabacher represents one of the richest districts in America – California’s 46th – which hugs a sliver of the coast from Newport Beach up to Palos Verdes. He’s elected by an educated bunch whose members drive luxury SUVs, live in mansions with breathtaking Pacific views, and have their plastic surgeons on speed dial.

Rohrabacher is an example of what extreme gerrymandering gets you. His district has the shape of a flattened salamander, carved carefully by the State Legislature to ensure its congressional representative can do what he likes with those few Democrats caught inside -- ignore them, insult them, anything goes. He once met with constituents from Military Families Speak Out and spent most of fifteen minutes yelling at them. Women cried.

As long as he's not convicted of a felony and continues to screw the middle and lower classes, the man can’t lose an election. He uses campaigns as an excuse to enrich his personal treasury, which can be freely drawn upon for all sorts of expense-account dodges. Democratic opponents, who can raise only pennies, are no more than sacrifices.

I live in the 46th, and I know its people. They don’t give a damn about the environment or the war. And they're no Creationists, either. They worship material luxury. Rorhabacher can say or do what he likes on superfluous issues because they have only one issue – tax breaks. They want lots of them. Cut their taxes and they don’t mind if you send poor kids off to Iraq to be killed, crippled, or permanently traumatized. These are the people who really run the Republican Party, and of course their net worth makes them a tiny elite. The party hands out what it considers trivial, non-fiscal favors to the far more numerous religious fascists, gun nuts, and racists who make up the rest of a coalition. Thoughtful, decent Republicans still aboard this macabre train delude themselves.

The irony is that huge spender-borrower Bush is wasting $2 trillion on his optional war while he starves us of social benefits. Like Rorhabacher and the bozos that elect him, he doesn’t care what happens to the next generations that must pay the debt he’s accumulating as long as taxes are low now. Apres moi, le deluge, as Louis XV pronounced. Thanks to vicious greedheads like Rohrabacher, there's another deluge coming.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

HOW TO GET US OUT OF IRAQ: PAY CONGRESS


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

What would get Congress to force Bush to pull out of Iraq? Money, of course. Washington is a bazaar, and if you want to buy something, you must pay the price. Congress has established and polished a system of legalized bribery that has most of its members spending most of their working hours raising contributions for themselves.

Members have proved repeatedly that they will vote against the interests of their constituents in favor of their paymasters and then rely on the inept media to allow them to escape consequences.

Generally, voting for what’s right doesn’t pay enough, which is why we’re saddled with a world dictated by insurance, banking, drugs, Star Wars creatures, creationists, and other industries willing to pay for what they want.

No, I’m not joking. During the seventies, in another life, I covered Congress for a daily newspaper, and during that time I convinced political operatives to give me details off the record about how their world works. They painted an ugly picture. Since then, the cost of campaigning – which means the cost of waging TV attack ads on opponents – has multiplied to staggering sums, and a corrupt system grew far more corrupt.

This week, during the Iraq debate, members of the House have been pretending to expose their political souls, with most of them prepared to vote in favor of a toothless resolution that objects to Bush’s military escalation. Only a minority is willing to stand up and use the power granted to them by the Constitution – the power of the purse – to end this pointless blunder of an occupation. In matters of foreign policy money is a lesser factor, true, but I guarantee you if we paid them enough to act decently, we’d get some decency out of them.

In the meantime, the relative lack of bribe-related motivation on this issue has members confused because it calls on them to actually scrutinize policy instead of checking their profit-and-loss ledgers.

Dead-enders consider themselves relatively safe funding Bush’s moronic war because most voters have been fooled into thinking withholding funds would be a stab in the back to troops in the field, leaving them out there on the battlefield with no bullets for their weapons. The Bush-Cheney team, though not trusted by a majority of voters, has successfully planted this lie in the public mind, just as it had a majority believing for years that Saddam Hussein knocked down the World Trade Center.

The media still do a terrible job of sorting out facts. The standard method of operation is to let both sides have their say and switch to a commercial. This works only when both sides at least try to tell the truth. Vicious liars are an odious thing to behold, and most of us, including the press, don’t know how to deal with them. First, you have to have your facts straight, then you have to challenge the lies.

During the Kerry-Bush debates in ’04, when Bush said he was an excellent steward of the environment, or words to that effect, Kerry was both flustered by the damnable, outright lie, and unable to muster the facts to prove that Bush had weakened the EPA and other key regulators in a determined and very specific pattern of abuse that dirtied air and water and defiled formerly protected land.

The most recent, reliable poll tells us 76 percent of Iraqis want us out of there within a year and think the presence of our troops exacerbates the killing. So it’s a mystery how the twisted Bush-Cheney team deludes anyone into claiming our troops are fighting for democracy.

You want more members of Congress to back off from the delusion? Pay them.

Monday, February 12, 2007

NOV. '08: ANOTHER 'BABEL' BREWING?


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman
Did you see Babel? – an expensive, morbid malformity whose scenes veritably drip with mucus, urine, and other noxious fluids while it canvases the world to prove everything that can go wrong will go wrong, and that all this bleakness ties together in one humorless, hideous ball of twine we call Earth. It’s a load of crap designed not to entertain viewers but to impress Academy voters into assuming that anything so serious and lengthy just has to be smart.

Unfortunately the general elections of November ’08 could turn out the way Babel’s cynical, manic-depressive minstrels see everything:

Obama and Edwards split the progressive voters who want out of Iraq now, so Hillary, awash in campaign funds she uses to cripple her Democratic enemies with attack adds, wins the nomination, and of course loses the election to a shrewder batch of political assailants on the right. A repeat of 2000, with Gore and Nader destroying each other, thereby making it close enough for Bush-Cheney to steal.

We’d then get yet another President who’s a deluded nut case either belonging to the home-schooling fringe that’s itching to bring on the End of Days or somebody who peddles his ass to it daily while he hands over what’s left of the treasury to his corporate handlers.

Hard to say who the next Republican tyrant might be, but count on someone who’s not McCain or Giuliani. Chris Hedges, author of American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War On America, ably points out Bush has alienated so many voters that the far-right evangelical fruitcakes looking to kill off the last of our democracy rule Republican primaries. They despise McCain for past slights no matter how passionately he debases himself before them. Giuliani will be seen as a gay-loving abortionist with a New York accent.

Some sly, conspiratorial jerk we’re not paying attention to will nab the nomination while the rest of us watch this administration roll around in a fake panic attack over Iran. The Republican nominee will then pose as a compassionate conservative before the general election. Only after he’s safely sworn in will we learn he’s out of his mind. This scenario is not a sure thing, but it’s credible and quite possible, something we can’t label life imitating art. But we could safely call it life imitating Babel.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

WAIT A MINUTE -- BUSH ACCUSES WILSON OF NEPOTISM?




DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

As the Libby perjury trial peels off more layers of how Bush’s administration operates, we learn that it felt called upon to Swift Boat Ambassador Joseph Wilson because – my gosh – he was suspected of nepotism. Nepotism happens to be one subject this administration actually knows something about.

So when word spread around the White House that Iraq War critic Wilson was married to Valerie Plame, a CIA operative, messengers bearing leaks from Dick Cheney went forth to warn the media that something must be done to stop this runaway fixation on family connections or who knows where it might lead?. One of these days a vicious despot whose daddy was President and whose granddaddy was a U.S. senator from Connecticut, might steal an election and take over the whole shooting match.

Actually, Plame had nothing to do with sending Wilson on a pre-invasion journey to Niger, where he learned and later revealed to New York Times readers the report that Saddam was seeking nuclear apparatus there was bullshit. Purposely revealing Plame was an agent was a treasonous act for which it appears no one will ever be charged. But as long as we’re talking about nepotism, isn’t there something very spooky and downright incestuous about the same two families trading the presidency back and forth for decades?

The first Bush took the throne in ’89, and if Hillary is elected in 2008, that could extend this bi-family monarchy of Bushes and Clintons into 2013. A second term for Clinton would extend the line all the way to 2017 and counting. Even if we were talking about exceptionally decent individuals, this would be alarming. But the fact is, these two families are extremely odd and untrustworthy.

When this nation turned away from monarchy at its founding, it evidently was unable to turn away from monarchy in the hearts of people. A royalist imperative persists. Perhaps citizens inherited this weakness from all those ancestors who were, let’s face it, groveling peasants who flocked to the castle of their lord for protection.

Our present American lord saved us from what he preached was imminent annihilation from Saddam Hussein, launching an endless war that down to the wire continues to make billions of bucks for the right corporations. He convinced the most corrupt Congress since the Gilded Age to follow its instincts and alleviate the financial suffering of America’s wealthiest citizens at the expense of everyone else, and every time he promotes a "fix" for our failed health system he throws more dollars at insurance-HMOs and pharmaceuticals. Got an energy or an environmental problem? Same fix, different corporate recipients.

He continues handing over billions of dollars to zombie zealots who believe the earth is 6,000 years old and have made their mystic beliefs the foundation for the entire federal government. He gave power and funding to pathetic, pompous, platitudinous pissants like himself, whose boundless ineptitude ensured, for instance, that while Gulf Coast citizens slammed by Katrina died of dehydration, the EPA director was agonizing over where to make dinner reservations.

But it’s preposterous to think either George II or Hillary I would be President were it not for their family ties. George, whose family has attended Yale for six generations, doesn’t have the talent to operate a tire store. [Above, next to a photo of W's grandfather Sen. Prescott Bush (R-Conn.) is a portrait of Britain's George III] Hillary’s bland exterior coupled with her refusal to say anything that wouldn’t pull in a 70-percent ratings approval from a focus group make her an ideally forgettable candidate.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

KISSINGER WAKES, SITS UP IN COFFIN



DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

Somebody nudged Henry Kissinger, napping in his daytime coffin. He sat up, blinked, told a congressional panel maybe the President has a secret plan to end the war, and fell back into the comfort of his Transylvanian dirt.

Sorry, Henry, somebody forgot to inform you – this is a different maniacal Republican president – this one a whole lot stupider than the one you’re used to. Also, this is a different pointless war, and unlike the one you were so fond of, Henry, this one could pull in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Egypt, even China. A real bloodbath, Henry, the Armageddon this ding-a-ling prays for. Nothing like a disgraced President picking a few radioactive shards out of his teeth to give him a whole new start. He can be born again, this time maybe just missing a brain instead of a brain, courage, and a heart.

Anyway, Henry, brand new ball game, different pitcher on the mound.

In the meantime, over on Capitol Hill, senators are competing with each other to see just whose staff can write the most meaningless, non-binding resolution to fail to nail Bush and Cheney to the wall for lying, stealing, committing a string of felonies, and getting hundreds of thousands of people killed and maimed, millions adrift, all for no purpose -- while our prince and his chief minister continue dropping more borrowed dollars down the slot. “We’ll hit one this time, Georgie. I can feel it.”

And there are ugly noises coming out of long-overlooked Afghanistan, where the one-eyed mullah can’t wait for the snow to melt so he can vent his whatever down in the flatlands. What a guy. Still on the loose along with Osama Bin what’s-his-name.

Another little story ignored this week confirmed that incompetent White House fiends planted political operatives in virtually every government agency to put the administration’s own twist on global warming, Star Wars, family planning, stem cell research, vehicle emission standards, and etc. Nothing new there. It’s precisely what the Soviet Union did for 70 years, using political operatives called commissars. They were placed even in the armed forces, overruling general officers, just like right now with the commissars' little “surge,” which continues apace because, remember? – Congress refuses to get mixed up in the madness. Since they don’t want to get stuck with the blame and have no leadership qualities, [Hear me, oh useless Hillary] they stand back and squeak like mice.

Finally, our forces kicked the hell out of murderous Muslim crazies belonging to a secret Iraqi sect, killing, wounding, and capturing hundreds. Only one problem. What the hell are U.S. forces doing acting as religious police in Iraq, for Christ’s sake? (Get that pert double entendre?Couldn’t help myself) This is what happens when you occupy a crazy place and pledge to make it un-crazy. You get caught up changing somebody else's bedsheets.

In L.A., gang members are targeting members of differing races for drive-bys. Among the massacred was a 14-year-old girl minding her own business. Shouldn’t we be more concerned about that?

Saturday, January 27, 2007

BUSH, CHENEY TRADE FRANTIC SIGNALS, RAVE ON



DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

Those mad, conflicting statements may be a calculated game designed to get us behind "good" cop Bush so we can escape "bad" cop Cheney. On the other hand, maybe they're no con. Each may be running around in his own little circle of unreality, no longer coordinating actions or statements with his partner because one or both has snapped his leash. Maybe their statements are aimed not at us, but at each other -- frantic signals of despair and menace as they scramble for an exit that’s just not there for either of them.


As the messes they make get deeper and fouler and ever more dangerous, it's more likely that their statements jump around in an uncoordinated babble because that’s how they really think, and it's increasingly difficult for them to mask or contain their pained, bewildered loathing for everyone who dares observe their agony.

For years now Cheney has emerged from his spider hole mainly to sputter and glower like a babbling wretch on a subway platform, the kind everyone gives plenty of space. But lately his ravings, though still sounding like elaborations on a theme just pronounced by Bush, are more like personal rebukes, as though he's publicly admonishing his slow-witted pupil.

Bush, though standing firm behind his “surge” in his State of the Union address, conceded mistakes were made, subtracting just a smidge of the usual arrogance. He preferred to speak about his fantasy image as a bestower of health plans and booster of conservation, a decider who's running on all eight cylinders.

But less than 48 hours later, Cheney, interviewed by CNN’s accommodating Wolf Blitzer, seemed to be lecturing Bush as much as everyone else when he explained Iraq thusly: “Bottom line is that we’ve had enormous successes, and we will continue to have enormous successes. The biggest threat,” he said, is that Americans may not “have the stomach for the fight.” It's uncomfortable to consider these words, because they are so clearly the words of a madman and echo the pronouncements of the feuhrer when he raged in his bunker that the German people were undeserving of his perfection.

HECK OF A JOB, WOLFIE

But in Iraq, hundreds of thousands are dead. We don't know how many more are maimed, crippled, homeless, helpless, hungry, afraid to leave, afraid to stay. And the gelded Blitzer, incapable of dealing with what he just heard, dares not or knows not how to steer the discourse somewhere sane. If we're there to create a democratic beacon, just when did this goal take shape? Because they sure as hell didn't mention it when they were screeching about phantom weapons of mass destruction and pursuing their very deliberate, Goebbels-like campaign to portray Saddam as Bin Laden. But Blitzer finds it safter to pretend Cheney's words are rational, that the world is right on course. You're doing a heck of a job, Wolfie.

It’s easy to envision Shotgun Cheney, the man of a thousand deferments, wandering in his private, visionless hell, one fist wrapped around his shotgun, another around a Jack Daniels, losing himself in a groundless interpretation that absolves him of everything because he was held back by the dead weight of simple George, the weak sister, the meandering mistress. How will George answer this duplicitous arrogance? That chapter hasn't been written yet.

But George has answered back, messaging his master through an interview with NPR's Juan Williams that Cheney has a "glass is half-full" mentality, meaning all is forgiven. Sure, Blunder-amus, the whole world knows the glowering Cheney is a veritable whirlwind of optimistic delight. And in the meantime, to keep Shotgun Dick cheerful, Prince George threatened again to rain a shitstorm on Iran. Maybe he doesn't read the papers, but the Iranians do. Already on his ass with two wars, whom does he think he's scaring when he threatens a third? Me, that's who. Cornered critters do ugly, crazy things.

A vast majority of us understand there is no point to this war in Iraq. It helps only our enemies, attracting recruits, sympathy, and funds to totalitarian Islamists. As the consequences of the pointless invasion and occupation grow worse by the hour, fewer and fewer Americans can find a reason to continue this campaign whose only purpose is to bestow a sick meaning to the empty lives of the vicious liars and fools who demanded it – and who rave at each other while our people die for them.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

THE CONDOLEEZA QUESTION


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

What’s with all these broadcast reporters who keep asking Condoleeza Rice whether she’s going to run for President in ’08? Every time she’s on the tube – which is way too often – she gets the same question and then rolls her eyes fetchingly while she implies, hey, she’d make one dandy commander-in-chief, but it’s just not in her plans.


Haven’t any of them noticed she’s a co-conspirator in the worst foreign policy scam-disaster inflicted on this country since its inception? In what way does this qualify her for a bump up?


A question more pertinent to the record she's compiled might go something like, "Know any good criminal lawyers?" Or perhaps, "What are the chances of an insanity defense?"
These broadcast bumpkins might at least scan a newspaper once in a while. Maybe while they’re in makeup. In the meantime, all the cute questions and coy answers plant the canard in viewers’ minds that hey, she must be a deserving, viable candidate. But then who was the moronic scumbag who ratcheted up the menace in her perennially scowling face (Condi's expressions are so clearly psychotic she makes even Dick Cheney look lovable by comparison) and warned us about Saddam sending over a mushroom cloud? That was just before she helped launch the pointless war that she and her pals still perpetuate from the Bush-bunker. But they’ve been so exposed you could say they’re all running around down there without clothes. Ugly thought, isn't it?

Once congressional investigators start looking into Condoleeza’s lying eyes, the smart thing for her to do would be to get herself a Greta Garbo hat and sunglasses and hop a plane to Argentina. Or perhaps find a berth on a boat steaming upriver to Colonel Kurtz’s headquarters. That would be true if half the Democrats in Congress weren’t running for President and trying to look moderate and presidential. But the way things work she’s going to finish the game on her feet and pick up a $10 million advance so she and her ghost writer of choice can put together a lying book that absolves her of everything.

Oh the horror, the horror.

Monday, January 15, 2007

'WHEN CAN I TEND THE RABBITS?' (OVAL OFFICE CONVERSATION WITH APOLOGIES TO MARIO PUZZO & JOHN STEINBECK)


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

--Mama, this whole Iraq thing, it's getting me down. Nobody picked on me like this in Texas. What'd ya bring me to Washington for anyway?

--Lately I ask myself the same thing every day.

--At least I can talk to you. Daddy, he just jumps all over me like everybody else. Like when that Iraqi guy's head fell off yesterday. They even blame me for that.

--Poor baby, of course that wasn't your fault. What'd they expect you to do? Issue 'em duct tape? Don't worry about it. It's like Rummy said. Democracy can get messy.

--Yeah, Rummy. What'd you make me fire him for? He used to make me laugh. What a kidder. This new guy, he's so serious all the time.

--Rummy was amusing, dear. But he was starting to talk to portraits. Like you-know-who used to back in the seventies. We were afraid he might lose it in front of the reporters. Besides, he was always picking on Condi.

--Who used to talk to portraits?

--Sometimes I have a hard time believing you majored in history. What'd you do all that time at Yale, anyway?

--I was a cheerleader and stuff. But who's the you-know-who that was talking to portraits? Anybody I know?

--Forget it. You don't even want to know his name.

--Okay, but now they get on me for not going to some o' these funerals. You know, of those, well, dead people. The ones who like went to war.

--Don't be silly. Dead people are depressing and that's the vice president's job anyway.

--Going to war? That's not what Cheney says. He says he has other priorities.

--No, no, no. Going to funerals.

--Right. But Cheney won't go. He won’t listen to me at all. It's not fair. Keeps calling me 'Fredo.' What's he mean, mama?

--What he means is, you're no Al Pacino.You know, I hate to say this, but he's got a point. Sometimes I think we should have passed you over for Jeb. I know you were the oldest, but look at the Godfather. You didn’t see him handing the family over to Fredo.

--Who’s Fredo?

--God, you're a Ding-a-Ling.

--You promised not to call me that anymore, remember?

--Sorry, kid. But I mean, you’re not even a Ronald Reagan. I knew Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan was a friend of mind. And honey, you’re no Ronald Reagan.

--Ronald Reagan. I remember him. He gave me that Star Wars set for Christmas. I used to play with it all the time. But it's getting boring. I'm running out of things to do around here.
--Why don't you read Alec Baldwin's mail? You always enjoy that.
--Yeah, but I can't wait to go back to Texas, mama. Tell me again how it’s gonna be in two years, when the twins take over here and we go back to the ranch.

--Again? You heard this a thousand times.

--Please mama.

--Oh, all right. We're gonna have a cow, and some pigs, and we're gonna have maybe a chicken. Down in the flat, we'lI have a field of alfalfa for the rabbits.

-- For the rabbits... And I get to tend the rabbits.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

BIN LADEN'S BEST XMAS GIFTS EVER? GEORGE BUSH, 'SURGE'


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

Had you asked Iran and al-Qaeda what they wanted for Christmas in 2000, they might have asked for a seriously screwy fool to seize the U.S. government, recruit a crew of arrogant imbeciles to run it for him, invade Iraq with no exit plan, and then keep fighting a pointless war there to the last drop of someone else's blood. And when even his own party deserts them, he, with the assistance of a partially new set of imbeciles, could invent something called a "surge" to extend the nightmare into the abyss. Wow, that would be one heck of a present for America's enemies, and one serious nightmare for America.
Now, so many long years later, this Napoleon wannabe described above -- a terrorist's dream come true -- has actually owned up at last to the mistakes of failing to fight the Iraq war intelligently. But the biggest mistake -- one he won't admit -- was invading in the first place. He and his flunkies still claim they did the right thing and expect us to keep swallowing their fantasy. You almost can't blame them. Voters kept them in office in '04 even after the WMD and al-Qaeda ties proved nonexistent.
But America was not a perfect place before the war, and all the festering problems -- exported jobs, rampaging oil and pharmaceutical companies, broken education and housing, heating the Earth with our petroleum fixation -- grow more severe while we're forced to deal with this absurd misadventure. It didn't have to happen. New Orleans didn't have to drown, and we don't really have to blunder on with this goofball in charge. The Constitution makes it tough, but he can be lawfully removed.
In the meantime, our addled Prince demands that we pretend -- just as he pretends -- that this corrupt regime in Baghdad could save our bacon. Like him, we're also supposed to ignore Muktada al-Sadr, who runs the most powerful gang within the Green Zone government -- the same Muktada al-Sadr whose militias have attacked and killed our G.I.s. The photo above is of Casey Sheehan's tombstone. He was killed by Sadr's militias. You may recall that at one time our leaders told us they wanted Sadr dead or alive. Now our troops fight and die in his behalf in a mad circumstance that keeps Iran and al-Qaeda giggling.


All the terrible turmoil in and around Iraq that Bush predicted in his escalation speech in the event of failure may come to pass. What he failed to mention is that the longer our troops remain, the more severe the turmoil.

Here's a thought. Why not stop pretending? Why not demand that our congressional representatives find the backbone to withhold funds from this illegal, pointless war? Most liberal Democrats cling to this funding because they fear they'll be accused of withholding bullets from our boys and girls. But they don't fear for the G.I.s who will die. They fear for their careers. And they rationalize this fear by telling themselves they’re irreplaceable. It's not clear who is more guilty -- the fools who still believe Bush or the fools who don't but who keep funding his folly anyway.


Bush's principal mission now is to pass the mess on to someone else in two years and place the blame on whomver finally faces reality and gets us out of there. Meanwhile, our troops not only must die for his personal agenda -- they have to fill the role of smiling props when he visits them with a gang of carefully arranged camera crews, as he did again this week at Fort Benning.
But if we stop pretending, if we stop playing his game, we can pay serious attention to Bush's warrantless bugging and his reading of our mail and email. These acts -- and he's admitted giving the orders -- have already been confirmed as crimes in court. There's also a load of evidence that transparently evil Cheney is guilty of amazingly blatant war profiteering, also a felony. While we sit around and let them steer the ship of state, it sinks. It’s time to put a new captain on the bridge and send crews down to repair damage. Withhold the funds. Impeach.

Monday, January 08, 2007

'SURGING' THROUGH OUR ORWELLIAN NIGHTMARE







DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman


The “surge” is not a surge. It’s an escalation. Just as an estate tax is not a death tax and a faith-based foundation is really a church. Did you ever hear anyone talk about the sermon they heard Sunday at their "faith-based institution?"



Our journalists are mostly parrots, allowing this Orwellian administration to put its own impossibly paradoxical labels on the injustices it inflicts around the world every day. And speaking of Orwell, if you read his brilliant essay “Politics and the English Language,” you see the importance he places on such false labels. Remember? War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, and etc. from 1984? He was proving a point, and so is the Bush-Cheney administration.


Orwell also had much to say about the links between expression and thought. Those individuals who are unable to express themselves with any sort of clarity, Orwell concluded, have minds to match. Which of course brings us to the Blunderer-in-Chief, who couldn’t ask the whereabouts of the men’s room without trashing the language. When you consider this is a guy with degrees from Yale and Harvard, it could lead you to question the general assumption that an Ivy League degree is superior to a sheet of paper purchased from an Internet diploma mill.


But back to the impending escalation in Iraq. Senator Biden is correct when he says it's merely a way to extend the war long enough so some other President will have to pull our people off the Green Zone roofs in helicopters. Notice that the White House is leaking the conclusion that it will take at least eighteen months to know whether the "surge" had any effect? That gets it within six months of the goalpost -- the next administration. But Biden might also be correct if he were to guess that Prince George really thinks this time everything will work out and we will “win” this war. The surge-oplastic motives of our less than sweet prince are probably a combination of these factors, mixed with some kind of Oedipal confusion and the belief that John Wayne movies reflect reality. In the meantime we're all supposed to pretend along with Charlie Brown that this time Lucy will let Charlie kick the football.


I’m compelled to point out again -- as I have never heard a White House correspondent point out to Prince George -- that this Iraqi regime our troops are dying for is run by Shiite militia elements that have been killing our troops for years. So our Iraq mission is a complete fantasy, always has been. Whatever the original motives, they had little to do with advancing the inerests of either America or Iraq and don't now.


Yet we're supposed to pretend this administration that's led us into one disaster after another knows what it’s doing, just as the news media pretend a “surge” is a serious strategy and not another blind footstep on the road to hell.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

HANGING SADDAM - JUST LIKE OLD TIMES



DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman


You have to marvel at those Iraqis investigating who took the video of Saddam’s last dangle. I mean, with bodies turning up every day in Iraqi streets, many of them with drill holes in the skulls, this huge concern over a case of reality-cell-phoning sure looks like a misguided priority.

The hanging was a nostalgic one for Prince George, who hadn’t executed anyone since he governed Texas, where he did a fine job of killing the retarded, the mentally ill, and people sentenced to death while their senile, court-appointed attorneys snored in the corner. (Along with the photo of Saddam on the gallows is one of Oliver David Cruz, whose IQ of 63 put him right in Governor Bush’s range. But the gentle prince, feeling no kinship or love, had him lethally injected anyway.)

The hanging was in keeping with what barbarian conquerors do – they smash their way into a country, steal what they can, split the proceeds with their puppets, and execute the former ruler. It’s precisely this kind of ghastly Genghis Khan behavior that whittled our coalition of the willing down to Bush & Blair – or maybe Micronesia and a few others such micro-powers that continue blessing the project from afar.

Prince George and Shotgun Cheney have no conception of excess. They charge through the brush shooting anything that moves as long as their own personal safety is a lock. When Vietnam came up, the Prince’s Daddy made a phone call, and Do-Do-Boy with the much sought-after history major received a direct commission and was trained for antiquated planes that would never get near a war theater. Shotgun Cheney married, went to grad school, and produced offspring, filing for new deferments at every step, always keeping abreast of whatever stratagems would allow him to continue slipping through the changing regulations.

Now they strut among our troops like they’ve got The Right Stuff, and damn if they don’t carry it off. That’s because they’re so screwed up they actually believe their own malarkey. Method acting comes naturally to pronounced pathological liars.

The dynamic duo are shoving aside more generals tired of saying yes to their bullshit and will soon pour more troops into the grinder, ordering even bigger batches of them to drive up and down Iraqi roads they can’t possibly secure. The Blunderer-in-Chief’s speech writers are preparing the rationalizations right now for whatever regurgitated crap he will spew out in his much-anticipated speech to the nation. He and his Veep are liars, killers, and thieves who seized power in a 2000 coup, and they’ll keep on doing what they’re doing until America gets the backbone to remove them. In the meantime, any member of Congress who funds their pointless war is an accessory.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

BUSH WON’T ABANDON PUTIN, PELOSI CLINGS TO HANNIBAL LECTOR



DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman
Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi says ending the war is her first priority, but she won’t cut its funding. This is like saying you oppose Hannibal Lector’s cannibalism but will continue to pay for his cookware.

We’ve grown used to these kinds of contradictions. Remember, for instance, when the Blunderer-in-Chief, while claiming to support democracy in Russia, looked into the eyes of Putin and saw a sweet, like-minded fellow he could deal with? Our sweet prince never took back that sentiment no matter how many reporters Putin shot, political opponents he jailed, or whistle-blowers he poisoned.

Part of the attraction is unbridled envy. Remember when our gentle Prince George actually admitted that his job would be much easier if he were a dictator? No, I’m not making this up. I think we all understand how he and Shotgun Cheney would really like to deal with pesky reporters and such.

Which is why I get worried, from time to time, about Senator Tim Johnson, critically incapacitated with a stroke-related illness. It probably wouldn’t take much radioactive poison to push the 51st Democratic senator into the fire and brimstone that surely awaits all members of his party and presto! – Senate control goes back to the Republicans and all those Senatorial investigations of blatant war profiteering and related Administration foibles would be nipped in the bud.

Let me tell you, I'm a superstitious man -- and if some unlucky accident should befall Senator Johnson -- if he should get shot in the head by a police officer or if he should hang himself in his jail cell or if he's struck by a bolt of lightning -- then I'm going to blame some of the people across the aisle. And that, I do not forgive. But -- that aside -- let me say that I swear -- on the souls of my grandchildren -- that I will not be the one to break the peace that we have made here today. Right, you nailed me. I borrowed this paragraph from Don Corleone.

Meanwhile, in other believe-it-or-not news, our glorious leader told his generals last month, “What I want to hear from you is how we’re going to win, not how we’re going to leave.” Precisely what this “win” looks like in his teeny, tangled little mind is tough to say with certainty, but apparently a chief component of such a victory would be a circumstance in which his pals who hold sway in Baghdad’s Green Zone could rule all Iraq. Apparently no one has the heart or the cojones to explain to Prince George that the most powerful member of this Iraq regime he admires with such abandon is the party controlled by Shiite leader Muqtada al-Sadr, whose troops have been attacking and killing U.S. occupation forces for years. Never mind, Bush is still willing to defend this murderous bunch to the last drop of somebody else’s blood.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

DON'T BE CRUEL -- LET GEORGE WEAR HIS FLIGHT-SUIT COSTUME


DIGGING DEEPER , By Ivan G. Goldman


There really is a formula to solve this Iraq business to everyone’s satisfaction. As any good negotiator knows, workable compromises require that all parties first state their desires. In the case of Prince George, he’s been hesitant to divulge what it is he actually wants. That’s why, four years after invading the place without a grown-up policy, he says he doesn’t want to be rushed into anything. But he does promise us a “new way forward,” which he will divulge in a nationwide address at some point after the New Year.

Quite a number of U.S. troops don’t mind letting him take his taking his time -- for example, the six G.I.s who were killed by roadside bombs in Iraq on Dec. 25 and 26. Other Americans are restless. Unfortunately, even this great Churchill-caliber speech we’re going to get in January won’t divulge what the Blunderer-in-Chief actually wants in Iraq. On that point he’s uncharacteristically shy.

Before he went in he railed against WMD and ties to Al-Qaeda. When these proved nonexistent, he said, no big deal, the goal was always to democratize Iraq, and the earlier goals were said not to matter anyway, just as catching Osama turned out, he told us, not to matter anyway.

Okay, I’m a good citizen. I read Orwell. I’m willing to forget what Bush-O-Ramus tells me never happened in the first place. But like a lot of us, I suspect the goals of our leader are not as stated, and that’s why we never seem to get over the solution hump. So in no particular order, let’s state them in his behalf:

DEMOCRATIZE IRAQ
CONTRACTS FOR BUSH’S PALS
OIL
ADULATION
WEAR A SPIFFY UNIFORM
AVENGE DADDY
SHOW UP DADDY
PROTECT PALS IN SAUDI ARABIA
EXPAND POWER OF BUSH REGIME
CLEAR THE WAY FOR THE NEXT BUSH RULER
CUT TAXES FOR RICH GUYS
ARMAGEDDON (FOLLOWED BY PARADISE FOR THE GOOD GUYS, COMMUPANCE FOR BAD GUYS)

Let’s take these goals in order:

Iraq had its election. The contracts for Production Sharing Agreements that are fantastically favorable to Exxon-Mobil, etc. are already in the works and should be completed within weeks. It would take at least two months to get all our service people out of there, so everything’s on track there. Some other contractors -- Bechtel, Halliburton, etc. -- will just continue paying bribes in exchange for contracts to do things that the companies will continue not doing. But instead of spreading some of the action to the Bush people, they'll have to shift all their bribes to Iraqis, who are unlikely to resist.

Let’s pass a resolution declaring Prince George the greatest commander in chief in U.S. history and simultaneously giving him the right to wear his flight-suit costume even to bed. We’ll let him and Laura deal with the zippers.

Daddy’s been avenged and shown up. Saddam’s supposed to be hanged within 30 days. And we’ve had troops in Saudi Arabia ever since the reign of Daddy. Clinton never pulled them out. They protect the oil and the royal family. So there nothing changes.

As for getting another Bush in office, voters are unlikely to come across on that one. They’re getting a tad impatient with the dynasty. But The Smirkster was originally elected by the Supreme Court, and with not much prodding, this new Gang of Justices, rejuvenated by two new appointees from our Prince, are far more right-wing than the court in 2000. So the family will just have to rely on them to do the job. When you compromise, you rarely get all you want.

If we pull out of Iraq we might as well cut more taxes though -- just a little -- for the rich. It’s something that’s so pleasing to Bush-Cheney that they’ll give up plenty in return, and it will show our good faith. Why not, for example, award tax deductions to anyone buying yachts or jewelry worth $1 million or more in one calendar year? It’s distasteful, but hey, after six years of this regime, we’ve all grown used to distasteful. It won’t cost us much, and remember, we won’t have to spend $8 billion a month on Iraq anymore.

The last goal, Armageddon, that’s a little tough, because we don’t actually want to let Junior play with the red button, do we? But probably a joint congressional resolution favoring the concept of the End of Times will satisfy him.

Some might ask, as “centrists” like Diane Feinstein do, what will happen to Iraq after we pull out? We understand their concern. Feinstein's hubby, for example, has a gazillion-dollar contract predicated on U.S. participation in a continuing Iraq war. But he'll just have to take his chances along with Halliburton and Bechtel [see above] And the answer to what will happen in Iraq, is, of course, the same whether we withdraw in five, ten, or twenty years or in two months -- chaos and death. Perhaps we could leave behind a statue of Junior in his flight-suit costume. It will mollify him and simultaneously provide the first step toward the unification of all Iraqi parties as they pull together lickety-split to handle that statue.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

WHITE HOUSE 'QUESTIONERS' PLACE KEYS, CELL PHONES, MINDS ON CONVEYER BELT


DIGGING DEEPER , By Ivan G. Goldman


Secret White House functionaries slipped mysterious but potent Mickeys into the bloodstreams of journalists at Prince George’s press conference this morning.

The substance, whose precise chemical construction remains a mystery, rendered them incapable of asking questions beyond the first level of Hindu consciousness. Snails could have achieved equivalent success. Consequently, the Blunderer-in-Chief was once again allowed to ramble on about “victory” in Iraq and even his imaginary crusade for green energy. It's not terribly uplifting when the President of your country parades his psychoses around like this, but it's downright depressing when journalists on site either pretend they're listening to someone with all his marbles or are too dumb to know the difference.

There was not one question about the billions of dollars in contracts awarded to pals of him and Shotgun Cheney for Iraq buildings, dams, bridges, energy systems, and programs that don’t exist. The money, of course, does exist. It’s in the hands of the contractors, all of it borrowed by the government and to be paid off over time by future generations.

As the Bush-O-Ramus babbled simplicities about how yes, Iraq’s tougher than he anticipated, but “we” will achieve success in assisting Iraqis to build a flourishing democracy, he was never asked about the fact that the most powerful segment within this government coalition our troops are dying to defend is controlled by Mullah Muqtada al-Sadr, whose 60,000 militiamen have been ambushing our troops for nearly four years. Among those they’ve killed was Cindy Sheehan’s son Casey.

At some point, uable to bear more of this, I switched off NPR and listened to Puccini. Man, did that feel better! But I did read the news accounts, and it turns out I didn't miss a thing except actually hearing The Decider's uniquely mangled pronunciations. The phony bastard’s Justice Department as he spoke was fighting in court to avoid enforcing any provisions against global warming because, according to these lawyers we’re paying over at Justice, the EPA doesn’t have the power to force industry to do such things. Also precisely at that moment the Bush regime was listening in our phone calls, monitoring our emails, and torturing suspects who aren’t allowed to see attorneys or file writs of habeas corpus. From whence it finds these powers no one seems to know, but evidently it would be impolite and impolitic to ask the tyrannical goofus at the top.

The "questioners" this morning – people supposed to be looking out for the interests of the citizens -- were probably slipped the Mickeys sometime after they placed their shoes, cell phones, keys, and minds on the conveyer belt.

The current issue of Columbia Journalism Review is a brilliantly assembled oral history of the Iraq war in the words of journalists over there. These people, many of whom came very close to death in pursuit of their mission, explained the disconnect between what we're told by the government and what they were seeing. But they never explained the disconnect between what they saw and what many of them reported. Somehow the administration found the key to regulating their behavior. Slipping them a Mickey is as good an explanation as any.