Friday, September 14, 2007

WHEN WE GET TO MARS MAYBE WE CAN FORGET ALL ABOUT IRAQ


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

Maybe you're wondering why all those members of Congress, Republicans and Democrats both, are preparing to give Bush the funding he needs to continue the war. Well they just might feel everybody's being too demanding of a President who's been forced to spend much of his energy putting together the glorious trip to Mars he promised us in 2004. Did you forget all about that? Well, he didn't. He's just not that kind of guy, and Congress knows it, even if the rest of us don't.

So Congress must figure that as soon as he gets the space thing out of the way, he'll solve these little Iraq glitches with his usual flair and incisiveness because the fact that we have no mission there and Iraqi citizens overwhelmingly say it's OK to kill U.S. troops and our people are dying and being maimed and crippled for nothing and the average Baghdad family is sitting each night in the dark without running water or a working sewer system, and gangs of freaked-out gunmen are running around outside abducting and torturing people and this Maliki government we're supposed to root for is closely tied to the murderous, psychotic Mahdi Army that's been bombing and shooting our troops for year is dwarfed by our glorious leader's ability to take care of the whole mess as soon as our astronauts set up a Martian golf course.

I guess it turns out when they voted Bush permission to go into Iraq and seize the WMDs these people in Congress also voted to garrison the place forever, all of which apparently makes terrific sense to Democrats like Diane Feinstein who routinely give Bush everything he asks for in Iraq and then complain about his policy. I'm growing a bit weary of the Feinsteins of this world, but I'll just try to focus on how great everything's going to be when we get to Mars.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

BEYOND THE SURGE -- A TIDE OF BULLSHIT


DIGGING DEEPER
By Ivan G. Goldman

Reality Weather Service put out a bulletin today warning of a surge of bullshit sweeping out of Washington. Residents around the globe were told to wear raingear, particularly when digesting media interpretations of this astonishing weather pattern, which had conventional meteorologists baffled.
CBS, CNN, et al were preparing to inform us the bullshit surge smells like a rose, making it terribly dangerous for anyone who still hasn’t developed some kind of bullshit detector.
Don’t panic. Stay in your homes unless you have the gumption to take to the streets because enough is fucking enough.

Meanwhile, Democrats in Congress already slavishly accepting the surge as a successful strategy even though the doctoring of the statistics have already been unmasked, were preparing to surrender to this bullshit without a fight. Bush’s’ revived threat to withhold supplies from troops in the field gave them their clearest path to his impeachment and removal from office, but they lacked the brains, imagination, and guts to make the journey.
If Congress refuses to fund the war and our chicken hawk-in-chief leaves our troops out there without supplies, Congress should of course exercise its constitutional authority to send him packing within 24 hours. So Congress would lose a little sleep. Big deal. The seven U.S. troops killed in Anbar during one day last week gave up more than that. Then it would be Deferement Dick’s turn to pull the same crazy bullshit, and then Speaker of the House Pelosi would be president. She’s a craven Pelosi, but at least she knows the difference between Australia and Austria, making her a big improvement over what we’ve got. Besides, impeaching and jailing her predecessors just might light enough of a fire under her ass to prompt her to do what’s right.
I know the accompanying photo is upsetting. It upset me too. But we should all understand what they're doing with our tax dollars as we continue to let the same people who got us into this mess -- the same people who've never been right about this war -- tell us what to do next.