Sunday, April 29, 2007


By Ivan G. Goldman
Can somebody explain why Deputy Secretary of State Randall Tobias was fired for paying hookers out of his own pocket while Paul Wolfowitz, who paid millions to his main squeeze out of taxpayer pockets gets to skate? In fact, our Little Prince said he still has “the fullest confidence” in Wolfy. I mean what gives here?
It’s as though The Great Invader had all the wrong answers nailed deeply into his skull in some long-ago secret ceremony, and they just dribble out of him at a measured, consistent pace. There’s just nothing this guy gets right.
The Tobias departure also makes you wonder a little more about the scenario surrounding Porter Goss, another Administration higher-up who was forced to resign in the middle of the night. We never got to the bottom of that (an amazing circumstance when you think about it. The guy was the CIA director, after all).
Prince George gave Tobias and Goss the same choices as that band leader. You remember. Luca Brazi held a gun to his head while he decided between getting his blood or his ink on the Godfather’s contract.
Meanwhle Wolfy, a chief architect of the worst foreign-policy disaster in American history, is free to romp about the World Bank committing malfeasance, misfeasance, and every other kind of feasance. He’s in a class with torture-mongering Attorney General Pinnochio Gonzalez, who, according to Prince George, did a bang-up job in front of the Senate Judiciary Panel when he couldn’t recall anything about all those lies he told in his previous appearance.
Bush makes such baffling personnel decisions it’s virtually impossible to gauge the severity of his underlings' misdeeds by his reactions to them. So who knows whether Goss got himself into something more serious than the crimes of Wolfy or Pinocchio?
Our major news organizations would have ferreted out the inside dope on Goss' mysterious disappearance except they were too busy chasing the inside stories on Nicole Smith and all those American Idol contestants.
The specific nature of a crime means nothing to an administration which uses war and pestilence as dynamite excuses to put pals on the payroll. Evidently fornication (presumably Tobias’ crime, though he claims he received only massages from his call girls) is a far more serious infraction than causing death and destruction at astronomically biblical levels.
Normally I’d feel sorry for Tobias, who was fired for apparently engaging in harmless activities with other consenting adults – except for the fact that as the AIDS czar he caused slow death to who knows how many thousands when he withheld funds to distribute condoms in the Third World. Instead he used our tax dollars to emphasize abstinence and faithfulness. Wish I were kidding about that.
Watching this White House crew gambol through the world like Bigfoot on speedballs would be entertaining if they’d just stop raining death and destruction.

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