Monday, February 20, 2006

Lots of folks were disappointed when the Democrats in the Senate voted along with the Republicans last week to kill any attempt at filibustering the Patriot Act. That’s because they don’t really understand what the Democrats were up against.

They were just doing what other prison bitches do every day under similar circumstances. Senate Democrats deserve our compassion, not verbal assaults. After all, when they leave Congress many will try to resume heterosexual practices. Not John Edwards, of course, but many of them. They didn’t ask to be locked in a D.C. cellblock with all those tattooed Republican nasties, and they’re trying to survive as best they can.

The Democrats figured, well, it is true that the Bush administration cited the Patriot Act as a key enabler of their agents who as we speak are reading our mail, listening in on our phone calls, sending some of us off to live in Syrian dungeons between torture sessions, and all the rest of those Big Brother scenarios that are life imitating Orwellian art. But the Senate Democrats, optimists, all, figured, hey, their stud daddies really want this thing, and if you look a little closer, you find some great stuff in the Patriot Act. For instance, some of its passages have made billions for Haliburton.

Incidentally, praise is honestly due to Russ Feingold, Robert Byrd, and Jim Jeffords (Independent), the only senators who had the balls to fight off the Republican prison gangs. They voted to filibuster, kept their assholes shut, and, to paraphrase the angry mortician in The Godfather, they kept their honor.

CONTRARY TO POPULAR belief, the Cheney shooting was actually good for the bush administration. Anything that draws attention away from the way they run the country is good for them. The hotshot D.C. lawyer who took one in the face for the smirk king will no doubt be rewarded in one of those secret ceremonies at Bohemian Grove, when the world’s movers and shakers dance naked in the forest and renew their vows.

Listen, I'm no gay-baiter, but when you think about it, there do seem to be a number of gay themes all around the Republican scene, starting with that male prostitute Bush liked to call on in press conferences. Maybe if Clinton had been getting fellated by a male intern instead of Lewinsky, the Republicans in Congress would have been more supportive.

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